Today’s weigh in was depressing….182…..that’s my highest weight being that I’m not pregnant. I grew up watching my mom exercise and eat right or she tried to. I watched her weight go up and down until she finally got her husband on board and they lost weight together doing the Atkins diet, so being health conscious was a part of my life. I succeeded over the years keeping my weight in check, until recently. Being married to a man 6 years younger than me who has taken me through hell and back and back again has finally taken its toll on me. No one ever told me love would make me lose myself, find her again, and struggle to hold on to her. The constant arguing, the lies, the unreliability, the baggage we both brought into this marriage, the codependency, the cheating we both did, etc etc it has finally broken the surface of my strong exterior….I developed a shell and I stayed in it. Can’t hurt me if I don’t let you in. Can’t judge me if you don’t know what’s going on. No one needed to know how much I was going through I’m trying to sell books. I’m too far from my family, too far from my real friends, my marriage is taking hits, my kids are acting out…no don’t tell no one….just keep it to yourself…..its okay to eat out for lunch then eat out for dinner, then drink, and sit down ..and there it is..my revelation……but I’m in a different state of mind now…I have my mom back and I have God in my corner….I am a different woman now..I’m not alone…I’m not afraid to be open and reveal ME….I’m not scared or lonely anymore…so now the physical weight has to go…..