I regret to say I have fallen off the freaking wagon…..lol……not bad though…..I cheated yesterday and had chinese food even though it was only chicken and broccoli and it was a small portion, and the only reason i feel guilty is because this trainer said if you cheat alot and you havent been busting your azz to lose weight you dont deserve that cheat and I agree……..but all this healthy eating made my stomach smaller so when I ate that food I had indigestion really bad….and got full really fast….and TODAY …OMG TODAY..my coworker is retiring and we had a big breakfast at work for her and someone brought cheesy potatoes…..they were sooo good…I had that and fruit but those potatoes were so cheesy i need to workout immediately…but Im determined to get to my desired weight…..no excuses, I will not be shopping in the plus size department ever again especially not for summer clothes…GIRL BYE…
So last night, hubby wanted to get a little freaky…needless to say, with all this extra weight on me, I feel a little less than sexy and attractive. He pulls out this little piece of red material that I bought and could actually fit two years ago and wants me to put it on. I said “please, my fat ass cant fit that anymore!” I guess that pissed him off, because he started fussing at me telling me that he’s tired of me saying I’m fat, and ugly, and disgusting, etc ( I have more adjectives, but we’ll stop there lol) and says that I’m letting society’s standards dictate what he thinks of his wife. He said he’s loved me for 15 years, when I looked like I needed a pork chop sandwich (lmao) and he still loves me even now with all of my curves (and rolls, and mountains, and freeways,,ok, so I added that part lol) He said my weight will never dictate how attracted he is to me or how much he loves me. I think that was the kick in the pants that I needed. Somehow having my husband tell me that he will love me regardless of my weight gave me an inner strength and determination to give him a sexy, healthy wife to love; one that will buy lingerie every week to give him something to look at, and one that will meet her goals and finally get healthy. So , I have another doctor’s appointment in two months…by then I vow to be at least 20 lbs lighter, and I will no longer put myself down as a means of “motivation”.
Not sure what happened, but weight wise I’m at a stand still. I’m not going to let it deter me, but its like ughhhh why won’t the numbers move…I guess I just better be happy my waist line is moving but I’d still like to get under 170 pounds which im some pounds away from…I am definitely going to repeat the diet and follow it to the tee….
I’m excited I finally got back into my size 12 pants that I couldn’t even button before because my butt was too big and my stomach was too fluffy..lol…they still a tad snug but that button isn’t screaming …progress is minor but its coming….I think i’ll be back to pre-wedding size before summer….yeaaaaaaa
Yesterday I had a doozy of a day….my husband ended up picking me up almost an hour late after I got off work…and only because he is trying to get this new job and they had him moving equipment from another store like he HE-MAN but anyway picked up my kids and Taysion snapped at me and Sean, and we were both like WTF…his attitude is just outrageous…then i had to go to grocery store and still come home and cook dinner and found out my U-verse is off……SMH needless to say my nerves were shot and i just wanted to go to bed BUT I didnt get to work out Monday so I had to talk myself into doing 25 minutes of the T-25….I was exercising at like 9 at night but afterwards i felt so good about it….I was able to sleep and i woke up feeling much much better……I think I found my stress reliever
So I read my post yesterday and realized I’m feeling sorry for myself and I’m allowing things to defeat me. Everyone has issues, not just me. So from this day forward, I’m not posting anything sad and pitiful, I’m determined to reach my goal and I know that it will happen because I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN! Come on, ladies, we are strong, beautiful women, and when we put our minds to something, we make it happen. I’m not going another year with this excess weight and low self-esteem, so I’m putting on my big girl panties and I’m taking back my life. I’m a growh woman with responsiblities, no time to sit around and cry. I will be 35 lbs lighter by June 1. That is my goal and I will reach it.
I have no idea how much damage I’ve done. I’ve lost my motivation it seems and I think I’ve worked out maybe once and that was half assed. I purchased veggies and fruits but since I don’t sleep like I’m supposed to, I’m up all night and sometimes, I want bad stuff. I know I’ve eaten Taco Bell at least twice in addition to my Rally’s visit I told you guys about. I’m stuck in a cirle, these migraines are killing me and my joints hurt, I get down because I’m in pain, I can’t exercise because it hurts, and I eat because I’m down. Something has got to give, I can’t keep this up….(M)
Ok so I had a slip up on my diet I went out to a Mexican restaurant Friday with my sister and ate a chicken tostada and had a glass of Merlot, and while I was full very quickly I felt so guilty..because my diet required me to only eat soup for dinner for that day and i messed it up..lol then I made a pot roast on Sunday and I had less than 5 ounces of it but my weight yo-yo’d, the five pounds i lost went to like only 3..I feel defeated and its my fault you have to follow the diet as close as possible, but you also have to work out..I only worked out 1 day last week ..but I’m going to keep going..>I’m on week 3 of this diet and I promise to work out five days like I’m supposed to…its been hard….I was on my period last week and when I’m cramping I aint trying to exercise..lol, and all these issues keep popping up and its has been stressful….trying so hard not to eat..lol…..too determined especially when I measured myself and saw that I lost a couple inches off my waist….and my butt….so the weight aint moving as fast as i want it too, but the diet is not in vain
So the past few weeks have been extremely trying….So much stress and worry. i’m trying not to forget my mission, my focus, but it’s difficult. All I want to do is lay in bed. I try to remind myself that this will pass and things will get better, but convincing myself is getting more and more difficult, not to mention everyone else. I did lose 9 lbs, but not the way I wanted to. I have to find a way out of this funk, prayer helps, but I have to remember to leave it all in God’s hands and stop taking it back. Putting on a brave face is a full time job. Hoping to get back to my old happy cheerful self….soon
I haven’t been able to weigh myself yet, I go to the doctor yet again on Tuesday, hopefully I’ll have lost the five and then some. Are we setting another goal?